it's amazing i've come this far by not only rejecting popular bandwagons but flat out denouncing them. figured i would have sold out by now. maybe i'm too stupid to sell out. or not stupid enough. what does selling out even mean anymore? i guess it means compromising your integrity for money. but everybody does that once in a while on some level, right? does an artist have a greater personal responsibility? that seems like false grandeur. maybe it depends on where your art comes from. like, does it come from your id, ego or superego.
maybe selling out has something to do with a distortion of success. seems like most of the music i like comes from people who are no longer around; either dead, missing or defunct. so, logically, if i see these people as successes, i can never be a success in my own eyes because i am alive and not defunct. but then, i guess i need to define success as per me. something simple. doing what i love to do.
i am not claiming to be all original, but i know my approach is a little dramatic. it's pretty obvious plenty of bands get into it for egocentric reasons; to be accepted among certain people; to get laid; to get paid. that's fine. i've go nothing against that. but i do it because if i didn't, i'd either end up in an asylum or jail or any other of the various cells people are trapped in. it's like meds for me. i know plenty of artists feel this way as well. and i don't know if my reason is the honorable reason. i'd guess not. maybe i have a weak constitution. maybe i'm just bored. maybe i'm lying and secretly i want all the excess. but it's not like i haven't known excess. and it's different to see excess. it used to entice me. now it disgusts me.